6th-7th Grade experiences

“She wants to fight!” was often the language used when there was a problem during my 7th grade year. People said this due to misunderstandings, or rumors or sometimes pure lies. It’s ironic though because the people who would say these things didn’t know what was actually going on half the time. They were just bored enough to start something because it wouldn’t affect their life. 

Instead it affected mine.

Through those words I learned that the friends that surrounded me influenced the problems I was in. The friends you keep turn into the person you are. Not only do your actions change them but their actions change you.

Positive Influences Matter:

The article “The Power of the People Around You” written by Brad Stulberg states, “An enormous part of self improvement are the people whom you surround yourself.” He proceeded to say, “While positivity and great leaders can boost the group up, it’s negativity that is unfortunately more powerful.” This shows people pay more attention to negativity than what’s positive which can also be why a negative impact seems to affect humans more than positive. The power of keeping positive people around us is paramount to our development.

The biggest impacts on a teen’s life are parents, friends, and extracurricular activities. In my opinion, the biggest being friends. At that age these things are stereotypically most important. Especially the standard teens tend to hold their friends at a pretty high level.  This is why there is often conflict between friends because morals don’t align.

I find within the people around me that once I click with someone genuinely or have known them for a long time I become sensitive to the actions that they perform. Why? I believe a person’s entitlement is at its peak while in teenage years. Part of that entitlement is often teens believing they deserve their peers respect and in turn act out towards that friend when they don’t show it. These cause and effect events cause friendships to break and/or have hardships. This also represents how important it is to have friends that dont always cause arguments or drama. Friends that accept you for who you are.

Friendships:

Friendships are things that grow with time, trust and commitment. One of my good friends and I often do weekly debriefs. Explaining to each other life updates, problems, and advice. We’re both committed to this time to each other and trust each other not to tell what’s shared. This friend being BellaSofia Ortiz, an 8th grade student, cheerleader and class president. I asked her, “What makes a person trustworthy?” Her response was “Loyalty, and being able to speak to them without feeling like they’re going to go tell someone else. Or knowing you for a while and watching your actions towards others.” This conveys that trust is something people look for in a friendship. I feel as though trust is transparency. Not only that but trust leads to transparency. For example, after gaining a certain amount of trust with someone you earn their transparency. In this case, it means being able to tell them everything. Awareness of the people you share things with also builds trust. 

 During the same interview I asked “How do you act around your friends compared to when you’re not around them?” Ortiz said “I think I pretty much act the same around everyone. I don’t like to change my personality around different people… I don’t really like to change my personality because I like to be one person and if you don’t like that I’m sorry.” I feel that this is a great example of transparency. This again helps you build closer bonds with people and strengthen you trust levels with others. Transparency is so important because it allows you to show people who you really are. When putting on a front or different persona in a way you’re lying to people. Not only lying but lying to yourself. In my opinion lying to yourself is like pulling the wrong block when playing “Jenga.” Trying to force something out of you when the foundation is working against it.

Choices: 

The choices you make when your friends aren’t around to influence your decision show who you are as a person. Also persuasion and peer pressure is a large concept in the conversation, it shouldn’t be what makes you as a person. Andrew Gabino, an 8th grade student, admitted to this in an interview in his response to the question “Do you feel you’re influenced by your friends?” He responded with “Yeah! Peer pressure.”

A peers’ influence on the way a person acts grows in importance after a certain amount of time. From personal experience I’ve become more like my peers in both good and bad ways. For example, My language and tone when speaking to others has definitely gotten worse. This is why individuality is so important. Individuality helps students avoid feeling like they have to do something because their friends did. Like having different hobbies or contracting interest. This doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with people that aren’t interested in the same things as you. Although you should still be cautious of the actions you contemplate committing. You shouldn’t go along with bad decisions or decisions you’re uncomfortable with even if it’s good.

For example, fighting, vaping, or smoking isn’t something you should feel comfortable doing because of the influence your friends have on your life. However, the balance of both types of friendships is good for you too, being that it gives you discipline. I believe both good and bad friendships are necessary in your life to help you grow as a person. It teaches you right from wrong and how to react in bad situations. Though I don’t recommend staying in a bad friendship for too long because through personal experience I find that it builds hate and festers in the long run.

Finding Balance:

I am my own example of needing and trying to find balance. I say this because I have friends from both worlds. Friends that are the typical good child, good manners, good grades and listens to what they are told. Along with friends that arent, they get suspended, don’t listen and act out at home. If they choose to act out I know where I stand and should stand in those situations. I feel that if you haven’t gotten to that point yet you should definitely try too.

One of my biggest helps with finding balance is our student assistance counselor, Mrs. Acheson. During a discussion I brought up the topic recovering from negative friendships. Her response reinforced what I had felt, “When I help students recover, I try to help them to focus on themselves, not on what the other person is doing or acting like.” She also explained that more positive people help others grow. 

Although no one is perfect, you can perfect your own life in its own right. This could mean cutting people off, distancing yourself or having thorough conversations with the people that mean the most to you to tell them how to treat you. Sometimes people never grow to where you need to be. Though, taking control of your life can help you drastically be an overall better person.

I’d like to leave you with a poem that represents my feelings about…

Argument

Words are just an exchange

A transaction that leads to an interaction

A conversation but it’s all just a game

The rules the same

Win or lose don’t get their motives confused

What’s the intention for playing

Was my understanding abused?

I feel used 

Motive number one

Get the point across

Don’t get lost in what’s shared 

The game has to be fair but in reality it’s not

They’ll play the victim 

Now roles are swapped 

Am I right or wrong 

I have to stay strong 

Confrontation was key to getting my point across

But it’s official I’m lost