All photos in this post are sourced from Unsplash.

Let’s be real—who actually likes pickles? Pickles are just a very disgusting variant of cucumbers. First, let’s take a look at pickles:

Now, we can take a look at cucumbers:

As you can see, cucumbers are clearly better. They are fresher, come out right from the ground, and only require some cleaning and washing. However, pickles are darker, wetter, and more disgusting due to them being bathed in swamp water for only God knows how long.

There is also a statement from the FDA (according to www.totally-real.fda.gov.com.cn):

“Pickles… they are truly disgusting. They pose a national (and international as well) risk for disease, such as Swampwater Cucumber Addiction Syndrome (a disease that makes you enjoy pickles) and severe cases of bacterial and fungal infections. We are working hard to abolish them from the USA, and convince other nations to do the same as well.”

—Anonymous representative from the FDA (supposedly)

Unfortunately for them, both Democratic and Republican parties oppose this statement, so it looks like this is very unlikely to happen in the near future. However, if we start raising awareness with media coverage (such as this article) and protests, we might stand a chance against the monsters who enjoy pickles!